sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
