the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
