This beer is not sobering me up at all
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
