I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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