the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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