i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
