I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
