fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
