That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
