My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
