I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
