i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this boner is exhausting
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
