if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
