bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
