Where is the hickey?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
