IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
