I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
