I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
