yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
