She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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