Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
