Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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