I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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