I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
