umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
