Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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