Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
