Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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