i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
