So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
