after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
