im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we made out on top of his cat.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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