my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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