You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
