i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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