Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
