i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
