I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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