you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
barbara walters just said penis...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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