this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
