Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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