How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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