Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
