The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
