oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
