I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
