After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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