I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
