it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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