Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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