my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
