Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
