I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
